Sunday, June 14, 2009

One Week Down, 19 To Go!

It's 8:05PM and I've been laying in bed for almost an hour now trying to fall asleep. No, I haven't fallen into the lifestyle of a 70 year old man, yet it sometimes feels that way. Dinner at 4, and hour of TV afterwards, jello or pudding desert (not for the dentures, just better for you than ice cream haha), then time for bed. It seems a 70 year old man and a morning meteorologist have a lot in common. I have to wake up in exactly 6 hours. As I lay in bed, tired but not able to fall asleep, my mind always begins to wander. This tends to be the time of day where my mind focuses on what I've lost. Have you ever noticed that? When your mind starts to tire, you start to get much more emotional and nostalgic. As I said, this time of night seems to be when I think about my mom the most. A lot of the time, it's as if nothing has changed. Living so far from home, I've been removed from much of the morning process. Of course I still mourn, but being apart from family, friends, and St. Louis sometimes makes it feel a little more unreal. I would much rather it feel real.

It's a wierd feeling, to know that something you had for such a long time you will never have again. I try and picture my mom in my mind, but it always seems as if something's missing. I think the most horrifying thing is that one day I will start to forget--forget her voice, her looks, her personality. Lucky for me though, I know she is never truly gone. How do I know this? Because sometimes without even thinking about it, I catch myself talking to her. Hopefully by now you have a great mental image of me walking down the street, just chatting to myself like there is someone next to me. But you know what I mean, just in my head.

That's what is great about this marathon. I feel like by doing this, by constantly training and thinking about the cause, I'm in some way holding on to a part of my mom. I'm pretty sure whatever it is I'm holding on to, it's not something I'll ever have to let go of. She is the drive behind me and this cause, the reason why this has become so important. I think she would like that alot--to know that I'm trying to make a difference.

So week 1 is over. No turning back now. Team Nancy has already raised close to 25% of our $2,000 goal (yea Vick!). Talk about AWESOME--thanks to everyone who has contributed so far! You really are making a difference. This week was nothing compared to what's ahead. A few days of easy 3-4 milers and a 6 mile on Saturday--piece of cake. And to think I did the 6 mile completely hungover from the night before. Note to self, I have to lay off the alcohol if I'm going to consider this quest a reality. But in all seriousness, eventhough I'm only a week in, it's already becoming an amazing experience. I'm extremely excited to see where the next 19 weeks will lead me.

As for now, time for me to fall asleep. The forecast for tomorrow--heavy rain. Good thing it's an off day...

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